Settled

Last weekend I attended my best friend’s wedding and in the process applied mehendi. Today, as colleagues inquired about all that henna, I pranked them into believing my fake engagement story. After being told the truth, a colleague expressed how deeply and truly happy she felt upon hearing that I had finally settled.

I don’t know if this is among the top 3 things Indians say but I hear it often – “Settle” instead of “marriage”.

Ever since my older sister got married, people say to my mom “Now, only Tomo has to settle”

Relatives (God save the relatives!) ask me “when do you plan to settle?”

My married friends, who I know genuinely care for me, say “at least start thinking about marriage and settling down”

Truth be a bitch to all you married people – we single ladies feel as settled in our singledom as you in your lifelong companionship. Asking us to settle down is like us asking you to have more babies.

It’s the most annoying request we have to put up with. You need to understand that marriage is not everyone’s top priority. I am an independent woman with other ambitions, I love my career and my life after work. I care for my family and am content with the way my life has turned out so far. So, having a man to validate my stability or happiness isn’t even the last thing on my 56-item bucket list.

Then, there is all that talk about getting lonely as I get older. In my understanding marriage can get lonely, boring and frustrating too. So does parenthood. I don’t believe it’s bad for me but in my opinion, I am not ready for it. I’m a lot more free, happy and sane in my current situation. At the end, there’s nothing that you can gain or lose from my marriage, unless you’re my husband. If you like surfing through wedding pictures on Facebook, there, that’s gain # 1.

Even if it seems like it, this post isn’t a rant against marriage. I do plan to marry when I have a solid reason for it – the only reason being I’ve found THE man. Maybe, I won’t see the need to marry even then. And yes, if and when I get married I’m not going to feel settled. I’m more likely to be happy for a new reason.

I feel settled now.